The Mets Performed A Human Sacrifice On The Mound Last Night

ESPN – In desperate need of an extra arm as a safety net for their overworked bullpen, the New York Mets summoned Akeel Morris all the way from Class A St. Lucie earlier this week, in large part because he was on the 40-man roster. Before returning the U.S. Virgin Islands native to the minors, manager Terry Collins decided to reward the 22-year-old Morris with a taste of MLB.  Facing the most vaunted offense in the majors, and lacking a feel for his changeup, Morris was roughed up by the Toronto Blue Jays on Wednesday night at Rogers Centre. He was demoted after the game with a 67.50 ERA (5 ER, 0.2 IP). That’s the second-highest ERA in Mets history, trailing only Garrett Olson’s 108.00 (4 ER, 0.1 IP), according to the Elias Sports Bureau. Manager Terry Collins said his message to Morris when he came to retrieve him on the mound was, “Get ‘em next time.” “The Night is Dark And Full of Terrors.” 

Last night we witnessed a sacrifice. A human sacrifice. In the 8th inning in Toronto Terry Collins and the Mets took a 22 year old Single A reliever and put him in to face Josh Donaldson, Jose Bautista, and Edwin Encarnacion. He was promptly annihilated. 3 walks 3 hits including a BOMB from Danny Valencia. 5 earned in 2/3 of an inning getting him a 67.50 ERA in his big league debut. They honestly might as well have tied him to a sacrificial pyre and lit him on fire. Right then, right there on the mound at the Rogers Centre, they should have just burned Akeel Morris alive.

And so the only thing I’m thinking now is that we have to win the World Series? Thats the only logical explanation here. The Mets offered up this gift to the Baseball Gods. A 22 year old reliever, one of Terry’s kids, now dead and ruined as a sacrifice for good fortune. Now, granted, if we’re continuing with this Thrones analogy here, the Mets are promptly going to get absolutely obliterated. The rest of the league is going to completely decimate us and Terry Collins is gonna get his head chopped off. But I feel good about this one. The Wilpons aint spending any money to improve this team so we might have to turn to voodoo and black magic. If Akeel Morris is the price I gotta pay to turn around roughly 50 years of bad luck and shitty performance, so be it. Sorry your career is over, Akeel, but sometimes you gotta make a sacrifice for the greater good.